From the IL 10th Wrap-up:
Political Allies Don’t Equate to Friends
WRITTEN by Marjorie Kubalanza
Let me begin by saying, this isn’t about any one person or personal experience. It’s a reflection prompted by some of the infighting and vitriol I’ve seen within our party.
I’ve been around politics long enough to see the same thing happen over and over again: people confuse working together with truly knowing someone.
Politics has a way of bringing people together fast. You spend weekends at events, make phone calls, knock on doors, sit through meetings, share frustrations, celebrate wins, and fight for the same things. After a while, it starts to feel like you’re part of a real network of close friends.
And sometimes you really are.
But here’s the uncomfortable truth: politics is not the same thing as friendship.
It’s an alliance.
A lot of political relationships are based on a shared goal, a shared interest, or simply what someone can do for someone else at that moment.
That doesn’t mean every person in politics is fake. There are plenty of good people who truly care. There are people who give up their time, spend their own money, and work hard because they believe in something bigger than themselves. I’ve met a lot of good people through politics.
But let’s be honest — politics also attracts people who are looking for something. A vote. A connection. A favor. A title. A platform. A photo opportunity. Sometimes even just a little bit of attention.
And when you’re the person getting things done — organizing, making calls, bringing people together, helping candidates, putting in the work — people know who you are. Your phone rings. People want your opinion. They want you involved.
Then the election ends.
The signs come down. The meetings slow down. Everyone moves on to the next thing.
And sometimes you look around and realize some of the people you thought were friends were really just people who liked having you around because you were useful.
That’s a tough thing to accept.
A lot of disappointment in politics comes from expecting political loyalty to be the same as personal loyalty. It’s not.
Someone might stand beside you because you’re working toward the same goal. A friend stands beside you because they care about you.
Someone in politics might ask, “What can you do for us?” A real friend asks, “How are you doing?”
A political friend can disappear the minute the circumstances or players change. A real friendship survives disagreement, disappointment, and seasons where you have nothing to offer.
That’s politics.
The people who matter are the ones who stick around when there’s nothing in it for them.
When you lose. When you step away. When you’re no longer the person who can make introductions, fill a room, organize an event, or help move someone’s career forward. That’s when you find out who your friends are and who your political alliances were.
Im not saying you shouldn’t build relationships in politics. Some of the best friendships I’ve had come from working together for a cause. But you have to know the difference between someone who values you and someone who values what you can do for them. That difference becomes pretty clear over time.
The biggest mistake people make is allowing politics to become their entire identity. They give everything to a candidate, a party, or a cause, and then they’re hurt when those same people don’t show up for them.
Politics should be something you do. It shouldn’t be the one thing you are.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s to keep your family close and to protect your privacy and friendships that have nothing to do with politics.
Spend time with people who don’t care about your connections, your influence, or what you can do for them. Those are the people who matter.
Because eventually every campaign ends. Every title changes hands. Every politician moves on.
The applause fades. The invitations slow down. The crowd moves on.
What remains is your character and the people who loved you before you had anything to offer. Those are your friends.
Everyone else was just part of the campaign.
